To Whom It May Concern:
The fire built a wall against her face. It melted each layer of Libby’s smooth skin and charred her bones as I pelvic thrusted her further into the heat. Mr. Ashley’s blood ran cool down her ass crack as she did her final clench. Red smeared along the base of my wet penis to mix with Libby’s clear juices. The flame’s smoke put its thick tentacles around my neck, forced my head back, and slipped its tip down my throat. The black in my lungs twisted and stole my air. It made my chest tight until I could not breathe. Although I could easily blink the burning pain aside to focus on the pleasure, tears washed down my cheeks because Libby no longer had any to dry a single spark, while I had enough to flow a river.
The pressure was finally at ease. For the first time in fourteen days there was no irritation. The sensation of her warm walls around me was a kind dessert that was made better by a savory dinner.
Before the night’s blaze, the sun was the day’s fire. Jarred and I were fighting on Auntie’s front porch about how I’d been acting like a fool for too long. He was right. I carried on as if he were so wrong, but sir or madam he was so correct. I was a fraud. I was wearing a mask that bore a sticker of an asthma inhaler on the side next to my right ear. Soon after we turned blue from screaming, he punched me in that sticker. It was the shocking crunch of Jarred’s hairy knuckles on that sticker made me realize…I must teach him what he thinks he already knows. I must rip my own saran wrap covering.
I remember the shoulder impact when I tackled Jarred down the porch steps. We landed in the honeysuckle that tangled in the fence aligned with cinderblocks. He was afraid of how I leered down at his face. Despite the many times we fought, I never hit Jarred. He struggled and failed to unpin himself while, his eyes evaded my face.
“What are you doing, Jared?” I held his wrists up and undid his pants.
“Stop.” A belt, a single zipper, and one snap all fell apart.
“Get off of me.” His body wretched.
I said all of these things to him once. He never failed to do his own will; I returned the favor. After I broke his wrists by smashing the cinderblocks on them, I tied his wrists with his belt then turned him over.
“Now you must feel the real me too,” I breathed in his ear.
I put my dick in him as he screamed. I kept pumping and growing inside his anus. He kept screaming. He sounded like a pop song overplayed on the radio. “Hello…from the butt side AHHHH…”
When I pulled out, shit poured out seconds later. There was some blood around his torn hole too. Auntie left her apron on the hook because she as having a post-bible study fuck session with Mr. Ashley. I grabbed it and wiped Jarred up.
“I love you, brother,” I said after kissing him on the mouth.
If you’re wondering, Jarred left and Auntie still wears that apron.
P. S. No one in my life wants to be bothered by my asthma.
Stop writing me these letters. I don’t care about your fucking asthma and I don’t want to remember anything about you or know anything more about what you did. Knowing of it is already too much. I knew Mr. Ashley and Auntie were fucking; the rest of the town knew too. It was nothing to know. Stop calling me your brother, because we haven’t been brothers in a long time, maybe not ever. I want to FORGET you, Libby, Mr. Ashley, and even Auntie.
You don’t have to write me another fucking letter to tell me about that midnight. I know what happened, Jared. I was there. Don’t put it on paper. Don’t write me again. And leave Libby the fuck alone too, she was always going to leave your ass anyway. Just like me she was damn tired of hearing you bitch and whine about you and your problems.
P. S. ASTHMA DOES NOT MEAN SHIT.
How are you, brother? My spirit is grieving for Libby. Mr. Ashley doesn’t deserve a letter from me. In the end Libby didn’t either, but I still love her. Thinking of Mr. Ashley makes me smile now. Whenever I remember ripping that pubic wig from around his asshole, I laugh with whatever air I can. It was the ultimate bittersweet. Cutting off his dick then placing it in the love of my life…
It was everything she claimed I could never give her. That’s why I did it, Jarred. That is why I scratched my itch…again. The first time was just for me and the second time was only for Libby.
You are my brother, but I am no longer yours. The itch took me from you by making the subconscious into reality, while reality becomes forgettable subconscious. For two weeks I barely floated with my nose poking out of the water, until you snatched me out of the water.
After stumbling through the door one midnight in a fake drunken stupor and my clothes reeking of badoosey, you hit me. The instant sting of having your fist on my jaw made my whole face hot. 14 days passed of me walking in the door, reeking, stumbling and slugging. I couldn’t move at first, due to the shock; you were looking directly at me. There was nowhere to go. There was nothing to be said. I was caught and the last find out about it.
13 days, were spent rubbing that spot. Scratching was overdue. On Day 14 it was time to feel good.
With lots of love,
P. S. Most things are about my asthma, this is a big one.
P. S. S. You must understand I’m not writing these letters to hurt you.
J + L forever, brother. Forever is an illusion; I don’t think Libby’s waiting for me at the Gates of Heaven. Remember Auntie used to take us to Bible Study every Thursday night? It was the only time she took off that shit-smeared apron. It was hideous to you, yet beautiful to me.
You never saw things as beautiful after that stain was made. You stopped seeking the whole world. I was glad when you went blind because it meant I was truly invisible. I hated how you could SEE me. My mask was less transparent than saran wrap through your eyes. You even tried to peel that back. I fought you and cried many dry tears until one day I decided I wanted you to really see me.
It was the afternoon Mr. Ashley came with us to the grocery store. You didn’t know it at the time but he and Auntie were fucking and he wanted to stay real right with her, so we shopped. Everything was fine until the bell dinged and the doors slid open to welcome Libby in the store. I saw him look at her then ball up his fists. I already knew, but seeing his anger made me itch…
You’ll never forget how my itches… made me; I’ll never let you.
P. S. I only did it because of my asthma.